Feminine Leadership | Monique Tallon

Vulnerability: How to be Vulnerable in the Workplace

May 17, 2021/in Career, Feminine Leadership, Gender Equality, Management, Mindfulness, Self-Confidence, Women Supporting Women /by Monique Tallon

You’ve probably had one of those days that you want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Maybe you were dealing with an emotional issue, or maybe you were facing a financial crisis. Or maybe a small embarrassment like getting stuck in a traffic jam on the way to an important meeting or having an argument with your loved one.

Whatever the case might be, remember – everyone struggles – but admitting the struggle is connected to work, that your struggle is at work, I think it’s safe to say that all of us have dealt with that at one point or another.

And here’s why: we have been raised in a culture where we are taught to be perfect, where the only answer to “How’s it going?” is “Couldn’t be better!”, where (I don’t know how and why) you’re supposed to have ALL the answers, ALL THE TIME – and if you don’t, you’d better make an impression that you do.

Also read: How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect

But the truth is that there is no single human being on this planet that knows all the answers including all high-level executives and CEOs in the world.

The vulnerability has traditionally been described and viewed as a weakness in the workplace. But the conversation about vulnerability in our culture is gradually starting to change. And as it turns out, being vulnerable at work isn’t a liability — it’s an asset.

There are many motivational books out there that speak about this topic, some by executives and others who have had a difficult journey, and by women leaders who once decided to open up and show their vulnerability. One of them is me.
I teach how your vulnerability can be a gift, even a strength when we leverage and accept vulnerability. You can find more about this in my book called Leading Gracefully”.

How to incorporate vulnerability in the workplace

Being vulnerable for women requires them to first get in touch with their softness. In the alpha culture we all live and operate in, softness is associated with weakness, and thus women have learned to shun it. Instead, we put a value on being and doing it all, giving us a feeling of achievement. Learning to tap into the softness of our being, rather than the doing, is a fundamental shift in how we show up in the world. And it can be the biggest gift you give to yourself.

Also read: 6 Ways to Build Boundaries & Get More Recognition at Work

When we harden, we begin to move towards the masculine side of the Leadership spectrum, which can many times backfire on women. In the words of one female leader,

I think that there is a real penalty for a woman who behaves like a man. The men don’t like her and the women don’t either.

Women leaders worry a lot about these things, complicating the labyrinth that they negotiate.

For example, Catalyst’s study of Fortune 1000 female executives found that 96% of them rated as critical that they develop a “style with which male managers are comfortable.”

When I personally experienced softening, my whole world changed. I realized I didn’t have to make things happen by myself. Instead, I could stay open and allow good things to flow into my life, and in the workplace. I could lead my teams in a way that was much collaborative and effective. I learned that by setting strong intentions, I could more easily manifest those things my heart truly wanted. By softening I attracted people to me, and it was easier for me to build relationships of trust at work and in life. I was able to tap into my empathy and compassion for others and thus was able to put myself in other’s shoes which strengthened those relationships.

Our strength is in our softness

Overall I became more of myself and more authentic, instead of a person hiding behind a mask of hardness and strength.

Why It’s Time to Lose the Armor

The thing that people are exposed to as vulnerable (they think it’s weakness) at work is the result of keeping employees up at night. So as an act of self-preservation, many employees try to protect themselves from risks and emotional challenges, they take on “workplace armor.”

And do you know what that looks like?

It’s being a perfectionist and not letting yourself nor anyone in your team make mistakes.

You think it’s better to keep ideas to yourself because you don’t know how other people will react or what they will think because you are afraid to fail. You won’t take risks because you think it won’t pay off.

Also read: 5 Ways to Overcome Fear That You Create

It’s failing to show your whole potential, your whole and real you and accept all of it, sometimes even the messy self at work.

And while this “workplace armor” might “protect” you from feeling weak and vulnerable, it takes away your courage and authenticity – and admit it, that’s definitely not doing any good for yourself and for the team that you lead.

But if you want to innovate and push boundaries, try some new strategies and reach some level of success in your industry, you need a corporate culture that lets people know that it’s more than ok to fail, that you must celebrate your failures. If you want your team to reach their highest potential, they need the room and permission to share crazy and new ideas, to try new things, and fail. If you want to keep your best people in your team engaged, they must feel really valued and most importantly seen – and none of those exist without vulnerability.

It took me another 10 years to embody this more fully, and I think I am still finding ways to be soft and vulnerable even now. For some, this might be a life-long practice. Because of the values our society holds to be true, mainly individualism and achievement, we must constantly contend with the temptation to harden. But once you begin to see the fruits of your labor, softness will become a more natural part of you, a piece that was always there and never really left, waiting for you to rediscover it.

Also read: 5 Tips for Women Walking the Tightrope

Overcoming Fear: 5 Ways to Overcome Fear That You Create

January 6, 2021/in Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

Fear has two meanings – forget everything and run or face everything and rise.

What is fear and where does it come from?

Fear comes from us, from our own mind, head and imagination.

We should accept the fact that we are human beings, and that all of our fears are self-created.

We feel fear by thinking and imagining negative things about any important activity we pursue. However, just because we imagine those things happening doesn’t really mean they will happen, or that they will be as scary and catastrophic as we think.

That’s why psychologists like to say that fear stands for “Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.”

Because fear is actually all about what MIGHT happen – and not what WILL happen.

We are always afraid to do this or that thing because we are afraid to fail or succeed. And we always validate our decision by blaming fear for keeping us stuck where we are. But in reality, fear is just a mismanaged mind and reflects that you’re not managing your thoughts properly.

Overcoming Fear

The good news is that since we ourselves are the root source of our fears, it means we have the power to overcome fear. And there are certain tactics and methods to do so.

Here’s a simple exercise for overcoming fear to show how unfounded they really are.

Make a List of the Things You Afraid to Do

The list should contain things you are really afraid of doing. It might include things such as leaving the country, changing careers, talking to your spouse about your relationship, asking for a raise, and so on….

Once you have completed your list, reclaim every fear in the following format:

I want to ____, and I have fear by imagining ____.

For example:

I want to leave the country, and I have a fear by imagining that I will regret it.

Or:

I want to talk to my husband about our relationship issues, and I have a fear by imagining that if he knew how I really felt and what I really wanted, he would leave me.

By completing this statement for all of the things you have fear about, you can see how you are the one creating your fears by imagining negative outcomes in the future.

Take More Control Over Fears

Next, take the last part – the fearful outcome you imagined – and convert it into something positive.

For example:

“Instead of having fear by imagining that I will have regrets, I will do whatever it takes to have a new and beautiful life in a new country.”

Or:

“Instead of having fear by imagining that my husband will leave me, I will work with him to cultivate greater love and intimacy in our relationship.”

Do you see how each of these statements switches the fear and transforms it into a powerful positive belief and vision?

I really encourage and recommend you to try this for yourself – and transform all of your fears into powerful visions of success!

5 strategies to overcome fear

Once you use this method and make it a daily habit, you will see the change in your life gradually. But remember, even after you complete this exercise, you will still have fears from time to time. It’s part of being human. The trick is to learn to recognize the fear, address it and allow it to dissipate.

Here are 5 additional strategies I recommend for overcoming fear.

1. Recognize Fear For What It Is

Scientists describe fear as a reaction in the body – it’s an increased heart rate, it is tensing of the muscles, for some people it’s a negative psychological sensation. Since these sensations are not pleasant, most of us would rather run away from it rather than feel it in our bodies.

In order to avoid feeling discomfort we find ways to numb the pain – some people drink instead of feeling fear, some people smoke,, some people work instead of feeling the unwanted feelings fear provokes. By staying busy we don’t have too much time left to deal with our emotions. However, keeping busy is actually just another way to escape the messages our body is trying to send us..

But if you learn how to embrace the feelings associated with fear instead of resisting them, it helps uncover the unmet need underneath the fear. Most of the time, fear comes from an earlier childhood experience that taught us something was unsafe. Perhaps someone yelled at you when you were being a playful child which taught you it wasn’t okay to express yourself. Maybe you were beaten or abused as a child which taught you aren’t lovable or good enough. Whatever trauma we experienced in our childhood presents itself as fears and limiting beliefs in adulthood.

What people don’t understand is that it’s okay to FEEL fear sometimes. It’s a natural feeling that we need to learn to eventually get to know and embrace. The first step is recognizing that fear is a natural response in the body that is triggered by a past experience and most of the time is not based in reality or actual fact.

2. Become More Aware of Your Thoughts

Emotions are from a source of our thoughts – so if we want to change how we feel, then we must change our beliefs and therefore change our thoughts. Whenever you feel fear, retrace your mental steps and examine what you were thinking.

What thoughts guided you to your feelings of fear? Once you identify them, it will be easier to resolve them.

3. Choose More Positive Thoughts

It is not possible to get rid of negative thoughts by not thinking them. The Law of Replacement dictates that you can’t replace something with nothing – but it allows you to replace it with something else.

So when you notice yourself experiencing a negative, fear-producing thought, replace it with a positive thought instead – like the exercise above.

4. Use Positive Affirmations

Use affirmations to create a more positive, success-driven mindset. Affirmations are powerful things that describe the reality you want to create – and they are a powerful antidote to fear.

How to do that?

Clearly imagine the reality you would like to create for you then form a positive statement that describes it as already being achieved, as already being yours. For example: “I am so happy and grateful now that I am enjoying my vacation with my husband and kids.”

By claiming that it has already been achieved, you create a tension between what you are claiming and experiencing physically, and what your mind knows to be more than true.

5. Charge Your Visualizations with Powerful Positive Emotions

Take this affirmation for example:

“I am so happy and grateful now that I am enjoying my vacation with my husband and kids.”

When your statement includes a positive emotion – such as happiness or gratitude – you allow yourself to experience that emotion in your body, giving your affirmation far more impact and effect.

Just as the emotion of fear can paralyze you, intense positive emotions can motivate you toward greater happiness.

blond hair girl sitting on a bed drinking coffee and reading

5 Ways to Stop Being a Perfectionist: How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect

December 8, 2020/in Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Leadership, Management, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.” – Anne Lamott

Have you ever asked yourself “am I a perfectionist”?

If you’re wondering whether or not you’re a perfectionist, there’s a pretty good chance that you are. And if we’re being honest here, there’s also a good chance you have some investment in the identity of being a perfectionist because of the positive connotations of the word “perfect”—who doesn’t want to be perfect?

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism, in psychology, is a broad personality style characterized by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

It’s the exact feeling we get when we expect things of ourselves that we would never expect from others. It’s working ourselves to exhaustion in hopes that we’ll feel whole, complete, worthy. It’s basing our self-worth on external accomplishments, feeling like we have something to prove all the time. It’s piling on the emotions of guilt, burnout, and self-hate. It’s always coloring inside the lines and giving ourselves the metaphorical whip if we screw up.

Perfectionism lives and breathes in our fear of making a mistake. When we are afraid of what might happen, we don’t always make the best possible choices.

What perfectionism is not?

Perfectionism is not the same as self-improvement or wanting to be your best. Perfectionism is about managing your reputation where you are constantly motivated by the desire to please others rather than yourself.

Why perfectionism makes you less than perfect:

You are in danger of being a tweaker and not an innovator. If you always have to have it perfect, be perfect, be ready, your vision as a leader becomes narrow. You may find yourself refining the same territory rather than introducing anything new. You create a climate of fear in your organization, and fear stifles innovation. Your people become afraid to take risks for fear of making mistakes because their efforts might be viewed as failures, and they won’t ask for help because they are afraid you might perceive it as a weakness.

No one can relate to you. Sad to say, but it’s near impossible to gain someone’s loyalty and trust if they cannot relate to you as a human being. Think of the character “House” from the hit TV show. He’s a genius but his abrasive, brutish manner is not one that inspires trust and loyalty. And great leaders know the value of both.

Specially for that purpose, for showing new leaders a path to effective leadership and how to let go of being perfect, I have written the book “Leading Gracefully–A Woman’s Guide to Confident, Authentic and Effective Leadership.” In the book, I feature exercises that you can use immediately to begin owning your strengths and letting go of the need to be perfect.

What problems can perfectionism arise?

Anxiety
Lack of self-acceptance
Intrusive thoughts
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

“The real secret to a fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.”

So how to let go of perfectionism?

Here are 5 ways to let go of a need to be perfect

#1 Make peace with the “now” before you feel satisfied with the “later.”

We can’t feel totally satisfied with where we’re going until we can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where we are. Practice gratitude. Gratitude is the grounding force of inner peace. We all have something to be grateful for every single day, and if we don’t think we do, then that is the first sign that we are sacrificing our own inner peace for an ideal that doesn’t exist.

#2 Build self-reliance/self-confidence

It is an open secret that none of us is born with self-reliance, we gain it through trials and errors while we go through life making our own decisions. We gain it through life’s tough experiences. I personally started to build and develop confidence when I decided to think for myself and move forward with my decisions. And I started to feel that the more I trusted my decisions the less I needed the approval of others. People who act with self-reliance feel more in control of their environment, and feeling this way is an important ingredient of wellbeing.

One of the main factors of building self-confidence is the ability to know how to beat the inner bully. This is the inner critic that keeps us from moving to where we are eager to go. The more we develop our strength and confidence, the more we are capable of shutting that bully down.

#3 Learn to celebrate your failures

Trying and failing at something is no fun. It can make us feel upset, disappointed, and sometimes even angry. The problem with this reaction to failure is that it shuts us down and makes us not want to try anymore. However, on the other hand, if we can learn to celebrate our failures as steps toward an eventual goal, we will continue to put in effort, keep trying, and eventually achieve the results we desired for so long. We’re talking here about resilience and perseverance.

Here are a few steps you can take to get there:

STEP 1: Recognize that resilience and perseverance are qualities you’d like to develop further.

STEP 2: Be aware of what your current reaction to “failure” is. This is great info to have so that you can create a plan that will eliminate your negative behaviors and replace them with a more resilient outcome.

STEP 3: Decide how you’d like to react instead.

STEP 4: Decide on a set of inspiring quotes or mantras that you can employ if you’re unable to stop the negative behavior.

STEP 5: Don’t forget to give yourself some props when you make progress.

STEP 6: Last but not least, learn to see the silver lining behind every “failure.” Challenges make us work harder, learn more, become stronger, powerful and stretch our capacities—that’s all really great stuff. When we can experience a bump in the road and actually celebrate it, we know we’re on track to doing great things.

#4 Change your mindset

Our mindset contains our ideas and views about life, our previous experiences and perceptions of the world. How we look at the world affects our experience in it. Our beliefs then create our reality and whatever we focus on is what we manifest. Creating a good-enough mindset that isn’t filled with unrealistic expectations will help you cultivate a sense of wellbeing.

#5 Learn to let go

Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything, ever. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to and then let it go. You need to let it flow all over your body, live there and then you CAN let it go with ease. Letting go should be a ceremony, a release… That’s how everything changes. You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels almost impossible. Deciding to hold on to the past will hold you back from creating a strong sense of self — a self that isn’t defined by your past, but rather by who you want to be.

In a nutshell!

Just know that habits take time. But the work is definitely worth it. Letting go of your perfectionism allows you to be truly perfect at one thing that IS attainable – being a perfectly imperfect human being.

Assertive vs Aggressive: 5 Tips for Women Walking the Tightrope

July 27, 2020/2 Comments/in Career, Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Gender Equality, Leadership, Management, Positive Psychology, Women Entrepreneurs, Women in Business, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

The one question that I get asked the most as a women’s leadership coach is how to walk the tightrope and find balance between being aggressive and assertive in the workplace. This also happens to be one of the main themes in my book, Leading Gracefully, which presents a whole new roadmap on how women can achieve that sometimes elusive balance.

One of the biggest challenges women face is something called the “double bind” which are the confusing messages they get about how to behave in a work environment. Women are told they need to be assertive, but not too much, otherwise they might be seen as a “bitch” or “difficult to work with” or an “Ice Queen.” However, if they are too accommodating, then they might get labeled as the “Nice girl.” Each of these polarities make up two ends of the Leadership Tightrope and both sides of this spectrum have pitfalls and force women to choose between being respected versus being liked, which ends up being a zero sum game.

The Nice Girl vs The Ice Queen

What happens when you get labeled as the nice girl? Sure, people may like you because they know you’ll be responsible, take care of all the office housework and not mess up their Starbucks order, but when it comes time to assign challenging projects or take on more responsibility, you’re most likely not going to be top of mind for people. On the flip side, when we’re on the other end of the Tightrope, people may not necessarily like working for you or with you because you might come off as cold and unemotional. Sure you are respected, but what happens when there’s a fire? Will you hear about it? Most likely not, because people are most likely intimidated by you and could be afraid of an aggressive reaction. There are trade offs on either side of this Leadership Tightrope and they are both bad for women’s advancement. And this is one of the main reasons we continue to see a leadership gap in organizations today because it seems as if women are damned either way, so they either check out, opt out of their careers, or worse yet, burn out from having to constantly manage their image and perception.

So it’s really easy to give up and say, “well there’s not really much I can do and men need to change the way they stereotype women.” My answer to that is – yes and no. Do men need to check their gender bias at the door? Absolutely? Do organizations need to make sure men have the tools to do so? Yes. However, women can also work on their effectiveness by finding balance between being the Ice Queen or the Nice Girl through practicing Feminine Leadership. When practicing feminine leadership, women are able to take back control of their impact through building self-awareness and leaning into the strengths they bring to the table.

Defining Assertiveness

Let me start my defining assertiveness. Being assertive means being able to clearly and confidently communicate your ideas, influence others, and contribute fully. It means being direct, being able to make decisions and having the courage to speak up when you don’t agree or have a strong opinion about something. Now the way we do this can be the difference between being assertive and being too aggressive. The tone of voice we use as well as our body language and facial expressions make up about 80% of what people perceive of us. To be able to be assertive means our body language is aligned with our thoughts and we are able to articulate them with confidence and ease. This means we feel calm and centered in our body. It means that our body language is open and receptive. We are able to listen deeply and acknowledge others. We allow others to express their opinions and give others credit for their input.

How does this differ from being aggressive? When we are aggressive, we tend to leave our emotions at the door. There isn’t much empathy or kindness in the way we speak, we might be rude or indifferent and our body language might be more closed rather than open and receptive. We might roll our eyes or cross our arms for example. We might not listen well to others or rudely interrupt. We might be demanding and not really give people the credit they deserve. Although you are direct and vocal, the tone of voice you use and the energy behind it is very different. It is much more controlling and dominating and makes people feel intimidated, afraid and uncomfortable.

Here are five steps you can take to be more assertive and less aggressive:

1. What is my current impact?

Self-awareness is the key to personal and professional development, so we start there. Most of the time, we don’t have any clue about how we are showing up and how others perceive us. Depending on your level, you may or may not be getting feedback about your performance or leadership style. So it’s imperative that you develop self-awareness and ask yourself, what is the impact I am having on the people on my team, on my peers, direct reports, or others I interact with on a daily basis. Begin noticing how people react to you and whether you are creating a healthy or toxic environment around you through your actions and behavior. Are you a team player and get along well with the majority of your team or do you complain and act a victim? Are you able to communicate your ideas well or are you more emotional and volatile? How do you handle stress? Begin noticing your impact and be honest with yourself. If you don’t like what you see, that’s okay. You can’t change what you don’t see, so this is the first step in choosing behaviors that bring you to the desired impact you want to have.

2. What is my desired impact?

Once you’ve given yourself an honest assessment (or taken a 360 Leadership Assessment), you can ask yourself – What is the desired impact I want to have? Do you want to be more collaborative with others? Do you want to build more trust with your peers? Do you want to improve a relationship with someone you work with? Do you want to be a more assertive and less aggressive woman? Write down the types of impact you want to have on the various groups of people you work with (peers, direct reports, manager, customers etc). This will give you a goal or objective to work towards and you can then work backwards to figure out what qualities you need to develop in order to get to your desired impact.

3. Practice Centering

At the center of the Feminine Leadership model is the quality of Centering. If you’re wondering what that is, think about how you feel after a yoga or meditation class. You probably feel more grounded, present, calm and relaxed. That is what we mean by Centering. Most of the time we are in some kind of stress response during the work day. We have to run from one meeting to the next, constantly put out fires and handle many demands. All of these put stress on the body which significantly reduces our ability to think clearly. When we are in a stress response we might respond more emotionally or aggressively. However, we can quickly get out of that stress response by practicing a Centering exercise (there’s a great one I recommend in my book), or you can find an easy practice that you enjoy like deep breathing exercises or going for a quick walk around the block or listening to relaxing music. Find a practice that works for you and do that before you respond to an email, resolve a conflict or walk into an important meeting or presentation.

4. Choose a leadership capacity(s) to develop.

Once you’ve Centered, you can then ask yourself – what leadership quality do I need to use in this given situation so I can have my desired impact? You can then refer to the Feminine Leadership Model to ask yourself what qualities will help you get to your desired impact. If you tend to be more aggressive in your leadership style, perhaps you need to practice more empathy and humility in order to achieve your desired impact. If you tend to be more shy and withdrawn, then perhaps you need to be more direct and become assertive in how you communicate your ideas and opinions. Pick one or two leadership qualities from the model that you think will help you balance out your impact and commit to working on those for the next few months. Use the specific exercises outlined in my book to help you do so or book coaching sessions with me directly if you want further support.

5. Ask for feedback.

A great way to know whether you’re on the right track is to tell people you work with that you are working on a specific leadership quality. This will help you stay accountable and get feedback on your progress. Not only will you be acting as a role model for self-development, but you’ll also be getting valuable feedback on the changes you’re trying to implement in your leadership style. This insight can be pivotal to your success when you’re working on behavior change because it gives you the positive reinforcement to keep going and also helps you gauge if you’re on track to achieve your desired impact.

You Are Always at Choice

One of the most valuable things you can discover is that you are always at choice at how you show up, whether you lead others or just lead yourself. Whether you’re a manager, an entrepreneur or a mom, you can practice these leadership skills to better manage yourself and others with more ease, grace and effectiveness. Sometimes all it takes is the willingness to look at ourselves honestly in the mirror and ask ourselves some tough questions. But in the end, doing the work to improve your effectiveness can mean the difference between staying stagnant in your career or moving upwards, making more money, and being more successful in your endeavors. For women to move up the ladder and close the gender gap, we must learn how to assertively and confidently communicate, offer our opinions, and contribute our gifts fully. I hope these steps will help you not only be liked but also respected by the people you work with and relate to.

Fit for Joy Podcast with Valerie Teles

July 7, 2020/in Authenticity, Career, Feminine Leadership, Self-Confidence, Women Entrepreneurs /by Monique Tallon

I recently had the chance to sit down and talk with the lovely Valerie Teles, host of the Fit for Joy Podcast. We had a wonderful chat about how women can lean into their natural, feminine strengths to find balance as leaders. She was very curious about my own journey and how I embarked on my own self-discovery through practicing vulnerability, building self-confidence, and reclaiming my authentic Self. We spoke about the meaning of life, what it means to be strong, how we define Love, and a vision for a new world before we dove into a rich discussion about themes from Leading Gracefully: A Woman’s Guide to Confident, Authentic and Effective Leadership.

It’s not every day I get asked these types of questions because I’m typically talking to groups of women in corporate settings. I don’t usually get asked about my personal beliefs about Life, Love and God but I thought it was such a beautiful way to ground the conversation. One of the things people may not know about me is that I have a deeply spiritual side (not religious, more woo woo), which I tend to hide because it’s not “done” in business. But what I’m feeling more and more these days is that not only are these themes important to me and in my personal evolution but they are themes that are coming up a lot for many people. I am grateful for Valerie in creating the space for me to explore these questions and set them in the context of how women can more fully access feminine strengths to lead in their careers and personal lives.

Here’s some highlights from our interview:

-The types of common challenges women face in male-dominated industries like tech

-The Feminine Leadership Model and how to apply it in your everyday leadership (in life and your career!)

-The importance of authenticity and vulnerability as a means to effective leadership

-Some real life examples from my personal leadership journey!

You can listen to the full interview here: https://fitforjoy.org/guests1/2020/7/5/monique-svazlian-tallon

Female Leadership is Proving to be the Secret Weapon in the Battle against Coronavirus

April 23, 2020/in Feminine Leadership, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence, Women Entrepreneurs, Women in Business, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

Women leaders around the world are showcasing the type of leadership that is proving to be most effective in handling the current COVID-19 pandemic. Germany, Taiwan, New Zealand, Norway, Denmark, Iceland, and Finland have had one of the more successful responses to the pandemic. From Jacinda Ardern to Angela Merkel, women are once again proving that female leaders can lead equally, if not better, than many of their male counterparts especially in times of crisis.

In this post, I’d like to take a closer look at the specific leadership skills global female leaders are embodying as a lesson for all of us in how to lead gracefully in times of great hardship and challenge. Click here to read more.

Ice Queen Syndrome – How Faux Confidence Can Hurt Women in Leadership

August 1, 2018/in Feminine Leadership, Gender Gap, Leadership, Women in Business, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

Queen Bee, the Ice Queen. We’ve all met one or worse yet, worked for one. I recently came across a slew of articles analyzing the role of the these characteristics in the office ecosystem. It’s a topic I’ve discussed at great length both in my book, Leading Gracefully and at speaking engagements across the US and abroad. So, why did these articles in particular catch my eye? They weren’t about the problems associated with being pegged as the Ice Queen, they were about embracing her!

Needless to say, I was shocked. Women have been forced into these stereotypes for decades because of discriminatory work environments, and that’s not a tradition I think we should embrace. As I began reading the arguments posed by pro-Ice Queen authors, I realized that the core of the argument in favor of being the most unapproachable person in the office was about exuding confidence.

Let’s get one thing straight: Women should not have to trade likeability for confidence.

I developed the Feminine Leadership Model based on leading with the ideal balance of our masculine and feminine traits, but confidence is neither. Women can embrace feminine qualities that make them kinder, more caring, and more empathetic – all the while carrying themselves with the kind of confidence that will get them the respect they deserve. And let’s be real, being icy and bitter only exudes faux confidence, at best. I teach my female clients that showing empathy, leveraging your vulnerability, and letting your colleagues know you care are all real ways to become a more effective leader. These methods are all antithetical to being the office Ice Queen, and lead to a healthier and more successful team dynamic.

Discriminatory and male-dominated work environments may be to blame for the existence of the Ice Queen stereotype but, by and large, the victims of the aggressive and bossy female leader are other women. And in fact, one of the top complaints I hear from my clients are stories of how their female bosses actively working to sabotage their career. Typically these are stories of female bosses who micro-manage which makes it difficult to gain the skills necessary to advance or don’t advocate on their behalf, limiting their visibility which hurts their chances for promotions. This practice hurts the overall cause for those of us who are interested in closing the gender leadership gap.

I believe it is vital for women to strengthen their professional relationships with each other in order to close this gender gap. Here’s a passage I include in Leading Gracefully: “When we become less judgemental, and more forgiving of women who may be slightly different than us, it can lead us to work better together – and give women the boost that they need to face the myriad other challenges they have to face in the workplace.”

Your Working Life Podcast Interview

November 17, 2016/in Career, Feminine Leadership, Future of Work /by Monique Tallon

I had the pleasure of speaking with Caroline Dowd-Higgins on her Your Working Life podcast recently. We spoke about my book, Leading Gracefully and how both women AND men can benefit from embodying “feminine qualities” of leadership, like vulnerability and empathy, and how these qualities are those that people are searching for in their leaders today.

Take a few minutes to enjoy our lively conversation about how to Lead Gracefully.

Leaning into Our Dormant Power through Feminine Leadership

October 11, 2016/in Feminine Leadership, Women Entrepreneurs, Women in Business /by Monique Tallon

It’s great when I hear from women in the business/entrepreneurial world that resonate with my message. Learn Savvy’s Jen Aubert was one of those women who “get it” and I was thrilled when she invited me as guest on the new Learn Savvy podcast, where we spoke about the dormant power that lies in every woman, which I speak about in my book, Leading Gracefully. Having accessed my own “dormant power” many years ago while climbing a 40 foot tree and subsequently jumping out of said tree (while harnessed, of course!), I realized that this is a unique gift that women possess, yet many are either unaware of it or don’t tap into it as much as they could be.

This power lies in our second chakra, and is where our creativity and sexuality resides. It’s where life is created, but it’s also an immense source of power for women. But because of all the body shaming, objectification, and pressure to conform, our relationship with this part of our bodies is usually one that brings up a lot of shame, pain or even embarrassment. Rarely do we view it as a source of great creativity or power that we can utilize to our advantage. And yet tapping into it myself, I realized that when we do, we are much more tuned into the bigger picture, and we’re able to be strong, confident, and creative as a result.

So that’s the topic du jour in my lively conversation with the lovely fierce and feminine Jen Aubert as we explored what it means to be a feminine leader in today’s world.

Check out the full conversation on Learn Savvy’s podcast here: http://www.learnsavvy.co/dormant-power-feminine-leadership-interview-monique-tallon-fstu005/

Women in Leadership with Angela Mezzetti

October 4, 2016/in Feminine Leadership, Future of Work, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

I had the honor of being a featured guest on the Women in Leadership podcast with Angela Mezzetti. We had an in-depth discussion on how women can lean into their natural strengths, like using vulnerability as a strength, and how when we let go of the need to micro-manage and trust our team, how that can inspire creativity and innovation, some of the key ingredients to success in today’s competitive market. We also talk about the Queen Bee syndrome and how women have to do better at supporting one another and helping each other up the ladder.

Listen to the full interview here: http://womeninleadership.ie/2016/07/monique-svazlian-tallon-leading-gracefully/