black hair girl sitting at an office table and doing meditation

6 Ways to Build Boundaries & Get More Recognition at Work

February 15, 2021/in Career, Coaching, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

One of the more challenging aspects I’ve encountered both personally and professionally with the women I coach, is the ability to hold steadfast to our boundaries. Whether it’s saying no to a request by a co-worker or manager, or turning down a project that’s just not challenging enough, a lot of us find it challenging to say no and end up people pleasing and accommodating.

The reason for why we do this is simple – we just want to fit in. We just want to belong. It’s what Brene Brown talks about when she discusses the feelings of shame and inadequacy that lead us to do things just to feel accepted and liked by others. Turns out, according to her research, we as humans are wired towards togetherness – we want to feel included by our tribe. As women in the workplace, there’s yet another layer to this – most of us feel like we have to work harder to prove our value and worth so we end up taking on more work just to make sure others know we belong in the role or position we’re in.

This need for acceptance, belonging and the fear of shame or being left out of the tribe is what oftentimes leads us to bending our boundaries. The downside of that is that we aren’t strong in our “No” and oftentimes not only do we feel resentful afterwards, we end up betraying ourselves and our own values along with it, which makes us feel lousy anyway.

In a workplace context, this could also result in overwhelm and an inability to find a healthy work/life balance. Many times we end up taking on “office housework” or menial tasks so we can somehow convince others that we are superwomen and able to do it all. We make the incorrect assumption that we’ll be handsomely rewarded for this effort – when most of the time these efforts go totally unnoticed and we end up feeling unappreciated.

A lot of times women who are on the “Nice girl” side of the Leadership Tightrope end up saying yes to everything that is asked of them. They want to be liked by everyone and therefore bite off more than they can chew. The problem with this is that when we do this, we end up taking on tasks that don’t position us to develop or grow in our careers. Instead of taking on new projects or responsibilities that will stretch us and grow our skillset, we end up getting stuck planning team events or taking notes during meetings. None of this shouts “promotion material” and here’s the honest truth – no one has ever received a promotion just because they planned amazing office parties.

To change this, we need to learn to say no by first shifting our own perspective. As we value ourselves more, when we believe in our creativity, resourcefulness, intelligence and see ourselves as fully capable, we are able to ask others to value us more firmly in return.

Here are 6 tips I recommend to help you set and stick to boundaries so you can take on more meaningful work and help you get the recognition you deserve.

1. Value Yourself, Your Contributions and Own Your Gifts

Start with making a list of all the value you bring to the table – all your positive qualities, gifts, talents and expertise. Put that list somewhere prominent and refer back to it each day. Begin acknowledging yourself for your achievements and give yourself the praise you’re searching for externally. Being able to value yourself is the first step in being able to set strong boundaries. When we own our gifts and abilities, we can then let go of having to prove ourselves to others and it becomes easier to gracefully say no when necessary.

2. Pay Close Attention to Your Body

Our bodies are constantly sending us messages about our environment, the people around us and the situations we find ourselves in. If there is something that you don’t really want to do, your body will tell you – but you need to pay close attention.

Stress and anxiety can affect your body in noticeable ways.

For example if your body is rebelling, that means that you’ve said yes too much. Pay attention to your stomach pain, fatigue or a scratchy throat, these are the signs that saying no may be the right choice. Get comfortable with checking in with your body – practicing putting your attention and awareness on your bodily sensations and feelings throughout the day to make it a habit. Once we learn to trust our body’s signals, it can make it much easier to decide when we need to say no to something that doesn’t feel right.

3. Take Your Time Before Reaching a Decision

Oftentimes we feel like we need to give people an answer right away. Don’t rush to say yes immediately when you are unsure (aiming not to hurt anybody). Instead just say you’ll think about it or let them know you’ll get back to them in a few hours or even in a day. It’s easier to reject politely the next day.

4. Practice Saying No More Often

Start small. And little by little you will feel comfortable with your fair decisions. By getting into the rhythm of declining small tasks more regularly, you’ll get used to understanding where your boundaries lie. Here is a respectful way of saying no.

“I really appreciate that you thought of me for this project, but I have a few other commitments on my plate right now so I don’t think I’m the right person. Perhaps try asking Greg down the hall?

5. Keep in Mind – it’s not Personal

As people pleasers, most of the time we’re afraid of hurting the others’ feelings and worry that they might not think of us positively if we say no to them. But most of the time, people aren’t going to take your rejection personally – especially in a business context. Begin telling yourself that your no is not going to hurt this person’s feelings and they are not going to take it personally. Usually what happens is the opposite – many times people start respecting you more when you are honest with them. And if it’s a task that you would rather not do anyway, after a few rejections, they’ll probably stop asking you!

6. Begin Asking for Stretch Assignments

Now that you’re more comfortable saying no, it’s time to begin to say YES! Think about assignments, projects, skills or tasks that will stretch you, help you grow and challenge you. Envision where you want to be in 1, 2, 3 years and speak to your supervisor about what type of projects you can take on that will help you build the skills to get there. These types of “stretch” assignments not only will help position you for that promotion you’re aiming for, but it will prove to your peers and your manager that you’re proactive and ready to take on more. The more responsibility you have, the more visibility you get, which only elevates you in the eyes of those that make the decisions of who gets promoted.

Good boundaries free you | Sarri Gilman | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

Overcoming Fear: 5 Ways to Overcome Fear That You Create

January 6, 2021/in Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

Fear has two meanings – forget everything and run or face everything and rise.

What is fear and where does it come from?

Fear comes from us, from our own mind, head and imagination.

We should accept the fact that we are human beings, and that all of our fears are self-created.

We feel fear by thinking and imagining negative things about any important activity we pursue. However, just because we imagine those things happening doesn’t really mean they will happen, or that they will be as scary and catastrophic as we think.

That’s why psychologists like to say that fear stands for “Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.”

Because fear is actually all about what MIGHT happen – and not what WILL happen.

We are always afraid to do this or that thing because we are afraid to fail or succeed. And we always validate our decision by blaming fear for keeping us stuck where we are. But in reality, fear is just a mismanaged mind and reflects that you’re not managing your thoughts properly.

Overcoming Fear

The good news is that since we ourselves are the root source of our fears, it means we have the power to overcome fear. And there are certain tactics and methods to do so.

Here’s a simple exercise for overcoming fear to show how unfounded they really are.

Make a List of the Things You Afraid to Do

The list should contain things you are really afraid of doing. It might include things such as leaving the country, changing careers, talking to your spouse about your relationship, asking for a raise, and so on….

Once you have completed your list, reclaim every fear in the following format:

I want to ____, and I have fear by imagining ____.

For example:

I want to leave the country, and I have a fear by imagining that I will regret it.

Or:

I want to talk to my husband about our relationship issues, and I have a fear by imagining that if he knew how I really felt and what I really wanted, he would leave me.

By completing this statement for all of the things you have fear about, you can see how you are the one creating your fears by imagining negative outcomes in the future.

Take More Control Over Fears

Next, take the last part – the fearful outcome you imagined – and convert it into something positive.

For example:

“Instead of having fear by imagining that I will have regrets, I will do whatever it takes to have a new and beautiful life in a new country.”

Or:

“Instead of having fear by imagining that my husband will leave me, I will work with him to cultivate greater love and intimacy in our relationship.”

Do you see how each of these statements switches the fear and transforms it into a powerful positive belief and vision?

I really encourage and recommend you to try this for yourself – and transform all of your fears into powerful visions of success!

5 strategies to overcome fear

Once you use this method and make it a daily habit, you will see the change in your life gradually. But remember, even after you complete this exercise, you will still have fears from time to time. It’s part of being human. The trick is to learn to recognize the fear, address it and allow it to dissipate.

Here are 5 additional strategies I recommend for overcoming fear.

1. Recognize Fear For What It Is

Scientists describe fear as a reaction in the body – it’s an increased heart rate, it is tensing of the muscles, for some people it’s a negative psychological sensation. Since these sensations are not pleasant, most of us would rather run away from it rather than feel it in our bodies.

In order to avoid feeling discomfort we find ways to numb the pain – some people drink instead of feeling fear, some people smoke,, some people work instead of feeling the unwanted feelings fear provokes. By staying busy we don’t have too much time left to deal with our emotions. However, keeping busy is actually just another way to escape the messages our body is trying to send us..

But if you learn how to embrace the feelings associated with fear instead of resisting them, it helps uncover the unmet need underneath the fear. Most of the time, fear comes from an earlier childhood experience that taught us something was unsafe. Perhaps someone yelled at you when you were being a playful child which taught you it wasn’t okay to express yourself. Maybe you were beaten or abused as a child which taught you aren’t lovable or good enough. Whatever trauma we experienced in our childhood presents itself as fears and limiting beliefs in adulthood.

What people don’t understand is that it’s okay to FEEL fear sometimes. It’s a natural feeling that we need to learn to eventually get to know and embrace. The first step is recognizing that fear is a natural response in the body that is triggered by a past experience and most of the time is not based in reality or actual fact.

2. Become More Aware of Your Thoughts

Emotions are from a source of our thoughts – so if we want to change how we feel, then we must change our beliefs and therefore change our thoughts. Whenever you feel fear, retrace your mental steps and examine what you were thinking.

What thoughts guided you to your feelings of fear? Once you identify them, it will be easier to resolve them.

3. Choose More Positive Thoughts

It is not possible to get rid of negative thoughts by not thinking them. The Law of Replacement dictates that you can’t replace something with nothing – but it allows you to replace it with something else.

So when you notice yourself experiencing a negative, fear-producing thought, replace it with a positive thought instead – like the exercise above.

4. Use Positive Affirmations

Use affirmations to create a more positive, success-driven mindset. Affirmations are powerful things that describe the reality you want to create – and they are a powerful antidote to fear.

How to do that?

Clearly imagine the reality you would like to create for you then form a positive statement that describes it as already being achieved, as already being yours. For example: “I am so happy and grateful now that I am enjoying my vacation with my husband and kids.”

By claiming that it has already been achieved, you create a tension between what you are claiming and experiencing physically, and what your mind knows to be more than true.

5. Charge Your Visualizations with Powerful Positive Emotions

Take this affirmation for example:

“I am so happy and grateful now that I am enjoying my vacation with my husband and kids.”

When your statement includes a positive emotion – such as happiness or gratitude – you allow yourself to experience that emotion in your body, giving your affirmation far more impact and effect.

Just as the emotion of fear can paralyze you, intense positive emotions can motivate you toward greater happiness.

blond hair girl sitting on a bed drinking coffee and reading

5 Ways to Stop Being a Perfectionist: How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect

December 8, 2020/in Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Leadership, Management, Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.” – Anne Lamott

Have you ever asked yourself “am I a perfectionist”?

If you’re wondering whether or not you’re a perfectionist, there’s a pretty good chance that you are. And if we’re being honest here, there’s also a good chance you have some investment in the identity of being a perfectionist because of the positive connotations of the word “perfect”—who doesn’t want to be perfect?

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism, in psychology, is a broad personality style characterized by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

It’s the exact feeling we get when we expect things of ourselves that we would never expect from others. It’s working ourselves to exhaustion in hopes that we’ll feel whole, complete, worthy. It’s basing our self-worth on external accomplishments, feeling like we have something to prove all the time. It’s piling on the emotions of guilt, burnout, and self-hate. It’s always coloring inside the lines and giving ourselves the metaphorical whip if we screw up.

Perfectionism lives and breathes in our fear of making a mistake. When we are afraid of what might happen, we don’t always make the best possible choices.

What perfectionism is not?

Perfectionism is not the same as self-improvement or wanting to be your best. Perfectionism is about managing your reputation where you are constantly motivated by the desire to please others rather than yourself.

Why perfectionism makes you less than perfect:

You are in danger of being a tweaker and not an innovator. If you always have to have it perfect, be perfect, be ready, your vision as a leader becomes narrow. You may find yourself refining the same territory rather than introducing anything new. You create a climate of fear in your organization, and fear stifles innovation. Your people become afraid to take risks for fear of making mistakes because their efforts might be viewed as failures, and they won’t ask for help because they are afraid you might perceive it as a weakness.

No one can relate to you. Sad to say, but it’s near impossible to gain someone’s loyalty and trust if they cannot relate to you as a human being. Think of the character “House” from the hit TV show. He’s a genius but his abrasive, brutish manner is not one that inspires trust and loyalty. And great leaders know the value of both.

Specially for that purpose, for showing new leaders a path to effective leadership and how to let go of being perfect, I have written the book “Leading Gracefully–A Woman’s Guide to Confident, Authentic and Effective Leadership.” In the book, I feature exercises that you can use immediately to begin owning your strengths and letting go of the need to be perfect.

What problems can perfectionism arise?

Anxiety
Lack of self-acceptance
Intrusive thoughts
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

“The real secret to a fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.”

So how to let go of perfectionism?

Here are 5 ways to let go of a need to be perfect

#1 Make peace with the “now” before you feel satisfied with the “later.”

We can’t feel totally satisfied with where we’re going until we can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where we are. Practice gratitude. Gratitude is the grounding force of inner peace. We all have something to be grateful for every single day, and if we don’t think we do, then that is the first sign that we are sacrificing our own inner peace for an ideal that doesn’t exist.

#2 Build self-reliance/self-confidence

It is an open secret that none of us is born with self-reliance, we gain it through trials and errors while we go through life making our own decisions. We gain it through life’s tough experiences. I personally started to build and develop confidence when I decided to think for myself and move forward with my decisions. And I started to feel that the more I trusted my decisions the less I needed the approval of others. People who act with self-reliance feel more in control of their environment, and feeling this way is an important ingredient of wellbeing.

One of the main factors of building self-confidence is the ability to know how to beat the inner bully. This is the inner critic that keeps us from moving to where we are eager to go. The more we develop our strength and confidence, the more we are capable of shutting that bully down.

#3 Learn to celebrate your failures

Trying and failing at something is no fun. It can make us feel upset, disappointed, and sometimes even angry. The problem with this reaction to failure is that it shuts us down and makes us not want to try anymore. However, on the other hand, if we can learn to celebrate our failures as steps toward an eventual goal, we will continue to put in effort, keep trying, and eventually achieve the results we desired for so long. We’re talking here about resilience and perseverance.

Here are a few steps you can take to get there:

STEP 1: Recognize that resilience and perseverance are qualities you’d like to develop further.

STEP 2: Be aware of what your current reaction to “failure” is. This is great info to have so that you can create a plan that will eliminate your negative behaviors and replace them with a more resilient outcome.

STEP 3: Decide how you’d like to react instead.

STEP 4: Decide on a set of inspiring quotes or mantras that you can employ if you’re unable to stop the negative behavior.

STEP 5: Don’t forget to give yourself some props when you make progress.

STEP 6: Last but not least, learn to see the silver lining behind every “failure.” Challenges make us work harder, learn more, become stronger, powerful and stretch our capacities—that’s all really great stuff. When we can experience a bump in the road and actually celebrate it, we know we’re on track to doing great things.

#4 Change your mindset

Our mindset contains our ideas and views about life, our previous experiences and perceptions of the world. How we look at the world affects our experience in it. Our beliefs then create our reality and whatever we focus on is what we manifest. Creating a good-enough mindset that isn’t filled with unrealistic expectations will help you cultivate a sense of wellbeing.

#5 Learn to let go

Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything, ever. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to and then let it go. You need to let it flow all over your body, live there and then you CAN let it go with ease. Letting go should be a ceremony, a release… That’s how everything changes. You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels almost impossible. Deciding to hold on to the past will hold you back from creating a strong sense of self — a self that isn’t defined by your past, but rather by who you want to be.

In a nutshell!

Just know that habits take time. But the work is definitely worth it. Letting go of your perfectionism allows you to be truly perfect at one thing that IS attainable – being a perfectly imperfect human being.

Assertive vs Aggressive: 5 Tips for Women Walking the Tightrope

July 27, 2020/2 Comments/in Career, Coaching, Feminine Leadership, Gender Equality, Leadership, Management, Positive Psychology, Women Entrepreneurs, Women in Business, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

The one question that I get asked the most as a women’s leadership coach is how to walk the tightrope and find balance between being aggressive and assertive in the workplace. This also happens to be one of the main themes in my book, Leading Gracefully, which presents a whole new roadmap on how women can achieve that sometimes elusive balance.

One of the biggest challenges women face is something called the “double bind” which are the confusing messages they get about how to behave in a work environment. Women are told they need to be assertive, but not too much, otherwise they might be seen as a “bitch” or “difficult to work with” or an “Ice Queen.” However, if they are too accommodating, then they might get labeled as the “Nice girl.” Each of these polarities make up two ends of the Leadership Tightrope and both sides of this spectrum have pitfalls and force women to choose between being respected versus being liked, which ends up being a zero sum game.

The Nice Girl vs The Ice Queen

What happens when you get labeled as the nice girl? Sure, people may like you because they know you’ll be responsible, take care of all the office housework and not mess up their Starbucks order, but when it comes time to assign challenging projects or take on more responsibility, you’re most likely not going to be top of mind for people. On the flip side, when we’re on the other end of the Tightrope, people may not necessarily like working for you or with you because you might come off as cold and unemotional. Sure you are respected, but what happens when there’s a fire? Will you hear about it? Most likely not, because people are most likely intimidated by you and could be afraid of an aggressive reaction. There are trade offs on either side of this Leadership Tightrope and they are both bad for women’s advancement. And this is one of the main reasons we continue to see a leadership gap in organizations today because it seems as if women are damned either way, so they either check out, opt out of their careers, or worse yet, burn out from having to constantly manage their image and perception.

So it’s really easy to give up and say, “well there’s not really much I can do and men need to change the way they stereotype women.” My answer to that is – yes and no. Do men need to check their gender bias at the door? Absolutely? Do organizations need to make sure men have the tools to do so? Yes. However, women can also work on their effectiveness by finding balance between being the Ice Queen or the Nice Girl through practicing Feminine Leadership. When practicing feminine leadership, women are able to take back control of their impact through building self-awareness and leaning into the strengths they bring to the table.

Defining Assertiveness

Let me start my defining assertiveness. Being assertive means being able to clearly and confidently communicate your ideas, influence others, and contribute fully. It means being direct, being able to make decisions and having the courage to speak up when you don’t agree or have a strong opinion about something. Now the way we do this can be the difference between being assertive and being too aggressive. The tone of voice we use as well as our body language and facial expressions make up about 80% of what people perceive of us. To be able to be assertive means our body language is aligned with our thoughts and we are able to articulate them with confidence and ease. This means we feel calm and centered in our body. It means that our body language is open and receptive. We are able to listen deeply and acknowledge others. We allow others to express their opinions and give others credit for their input.

How does this differ from being aggressive? When we are aggressive, we tend to leave our emotions at the door. There isn’t much empathy or kindness in the way we speak, we might be rude or indifferent and our body language might be more closed rather than open and receptive. We might roll our eyes or cross our arms for example. We might not listen well to others or rudely interrupt. We might be demanding and not really give people the credit they deserve. Although you are direct and vocal, the tone of voice you use and the energy behind it is very different. It is much more controlling and dominating and makes people feel intimidated, afraid and uncomfortable.

Here are five steps you can take to be more assertive and less aggressive:

1. What is my current impact?

Self-awareness is the key to personal and professional development, so we start there. Most of the time, we don’t have any clue about how we are showing up and how others perceive us. Depending on your level, you may or may not be getting feedback about your performance or leadership style. So it’s imperative that you develop self-awareness and ask yourself, what is the impact I am having on the people on my team, on my peers, direct reports, or others I interact with on a daily basis. Begin noticing how people react to you and whether you are creating a healthy or toxic environment around you through your actions and behavior. Are you a team player and get along well with the majority of your team or do you complain and act a victim? Are you able to communicate your ideas well or are you more emotional and volatile? How do you handle stress? Begin noticing your impact and be honest with yourself. If you don’t like what you see, that’s okay. You can’t change what you don’t see, so this is the first step in choosing behaviors that bring you to the desired impact you want to have.

2. What is my desired impact?

Once you’ve given yourself an honest assessment (or taken a 360 Leadership Assessment), you can ask yourself – What is the desired impact I want to have? Do you want to be more collaborative with others? Do you want to build more trust with your peers? Do you want to improve a relationship with someone you work with? Do you want to be a more assertive and less aggressive woman? Write down the types of impact you want to have on the various groups of people you work with (peers, direct reports, manager, customers etc). This will give you a goal or objective to work towards and you can then work backwards to figure out what qualities you need to develop in order to get to your desired impact.

3. Practice Centering

At the center of the Feminine Leadership model is the quality of Centering. If you’re wondering what that is, think about how you feel after a yoga or meditation class. You probably feel more grounded, present, calm and relaxed. That is what we mean by Centering. Most of the time we are in some kind of stress response during the work day. We have to run from one meeting to the next, constantly put out fires and handle many demands. All of these put stress on the body which significantly reduces our ability to think clearly. When we are in a stress response we might respond more emotionally or aggressively. However, we can quickly get out of that stress response by practicing a Centering exercise (there’s a great one I recommend in my book), or you can find an easy practice that you enjoy like deep breathing exercises or going for a quick walk around the block or listening to relaxing music. Find a practice that works for you and do that before you respond to an email, resolve a conflict or walk into an important meeting or presentation.

4. Choose a leadership capacity(s) to develop.

Once you’ve Centered, you can then ask yourself – what leadership quality do I need to use in this given situation so I can have my desired impact? You can then refer to the Feminine Leadership Model to ask yourself what qualities will help you get to your desired impact. If you tend to be more aggressive in your leadership style, perhaps you need to practice more empathy and humility in order to achieve your desired impact. If you tend to be more shy and withdrawn, then perhaps you need to be more direct and become assertive in how you communicate your ideas and opinions. Pick one or two leadership qualities from the model that you think will help you balance out your impact and commit to working on those for the next few months. Use the specific exercises outlined in my book to help you do so or book coaching sessions with me directly if you want further support.

5. Ask for feedback.

A great way to know whether you’re on the right track is to tell people you work with that you are working on a specific leadership quality. This will help you stay accountable and get feedback on your progress. Not only will you be acting as a role model for self-development, but you’ll also be getting valuable feedback on the changes you’re trying to implement in your leadership style. This insight can be pivotal to your success when you’re working on behavior change because it gives you the positive reinforcement to keep going and also helps you gauge if you’re on track to achieve your desired impact.

You Are Always at Choice

One of the most valuable things you can discover is that you are always at choice at how you show up, whether you lead others or just lead yourself. Whether you’re a manager, an entrepreneur or a mom, you can practice these leadership skills to better manage yourself and others with more ease, grace and effectiveness. Sometimes all it takes is the willingness to look at ourselves honestly in the mirror and ask ourselves some tough questions. But in the end, doing the work to improve your effectiveness can mean the difference between staying stagnant in your career or moving upwards, making more money, and being more successful in your endeavors. For women to move up the ladder and close the gender gap, we must learn how to assertively and confidently communicate, offer our opinions, and contribute our gifts fully. I hope these steps will help you not only be liked but also respected by the people you work with and relate to.

Working from Home is Here to Stay. 7 Tips to Ensure Women in the Workplace Thrive

June 1, 2020/in Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Vision, Women in Leadership, Working Moms /by Monique Tallon

Any society that fails to harness the energy and creativity of its women is at a huge disadvantage in the modern world. -Tian Wei, CCTV News

It’s becoming clear that the global pandemic is quickly turning into an economic crisis for women with unemployment rates rising to numbers not seen since the Great Depression. The unemployment rate for women stands at an unprecedented 15.5%, the first time ever that U.S. women have faced a double-digit unemployment rate. For Black and Hispanic women, it’s worse: 16.4% and 20.2%, respectively.

The unemployment rate for men is 13%; for white men, it is 12.4%.

A lot of this disparity goes back to the gender gap – most of the non-essential businesses such as nail and hair salons, hotels and restaurants employ lower-wage jobs held by mostly women. For those women who are still employed, they are finding themselves having to juggle working from home and raising their children, which is essentially a second full time job. And with school closures potentially extending to the fall or winter, there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. If mom guilt weren’t already a thing, it’s now definitely something women are having to contend with.

So how do women deal with the economic, mental and physical challenges they are faced with during this time of upheaval? With companies announcing permanent work from home scenarios, is there any upside and what can companies do to adjust to the new reality for both men and women? How can companies ensure that women aren’t stuck with a double-double shift as Sheryl Sandberg recently pointed out?

“Over my lifetime, women have demonstrated repeatedly that they can do anything that men can do, while still managing traditional women’s work at the same time. But the same expansion of roles has not been available to men.” Anne-Marie Slaughter

Here are some ways companies can begin tackling this issue (and a few tips women can put into practice in the meantime.)

1. Run Meetings More Efficiently

One thing that we can all agree on is being on back to back Zoom meetings is just as draining and soul-killing as in-person meetings, if not more! Many organizations are meeting heavy, oftentimes involving too many people and not using meeting times efficiently. Of course keeping in close contact with your team is important when everyone is working from home, but it’s important to find a balance. Take an audit of all the standing meetings you are responsible for – are all of those necessary or can you cut down the frequency or length of those meetings? Are you sending out detailed agendas beforehand? Are people coming to the meeting prepared? Or does it take half an hour just to warm up? Establish meeting protocols that ensure you’re using your time wisely, where everyone’s voice is heard, and decision makers are present (otherwise you might repeat the same meeting twice!) Running meetings efficiently can save a lot of precious time for all employees, but especially for mom and parents that are homeschooling and have to provide child care at the same time.

2. Increase Paid Time Off

If organizations are going to expect employees to perform well and keep productivity high, then they are going to have to invest in their health and well-being. Paid vacation in the United States sadly trails most other industrialized nations. The key reason why the U.S. lags so far behind is because it is the “only advanced economy that does not mandate any paid vacation time for workers. Given the extra pressure and stress of having to homeschool and provide child care while juggling a full time job from home, companies must increase vacation days for their employees, and put a vacation policy in place if it does not currently have one.

3. Enforce Paternal Leave

Another way that companies can create work/life balance for their employees is to enforce paternity leave benefits. Many companies now offer paternity leave (and for those who haven’t joined that bandwagon, it’s time they did), however many organizations don’t require men to take paternal leave and therefore many don’t take advantage of it. Research has been shown companies that enforce paternity leave benefits actually have more women on their boards. Doing so encourages fathers to share in the responsibility of childcare instead of putting the burden solely on mothers which limits career advancement, otherwise known as the “motherhood penalty.”

4. Wellness Check-ins & Subsidies

One thing many companies like Google, Facebook and others do well is they offer yoga classes, on-site gyms, healthy food options and other perks to make sure employees stay healthy. Without these benefits available to employees, companies need to innovate in the way they ensure the health and well-being of their workforce. Managers can build in wellness hours by scheduling yoga or meditation classes for their team via Zoom or pay for online subscriptions. They can provide bonuses or monthly stipends to cover healthy food delivery to employee homes (and support local businesses at the same time). And managers can do wellness check-in’s with their employees to talk about how they are handling stress and social distance and asking about emotional wellbeing, provided they have the training to have those conversations in a productive way.

Some things just cannot wait. Men have to stand up now for women’s equality. – Rick Goings, CEO Tupperware Brands

5. Create a Culture of Belonging

Creating a sense of belonging and inclusion should have been a priority pre-pandemic especially for those organizations that prioritize their people and understand that their workforce is the most valuable asset they have. It’s become that much more important to prioritize this because let’s face it, it’s hard to feel belonging when we’re physically separated. Providing managers with the leadership skills necessary to create a culture where everyone feels safe to speak up, contribute and feel their ideas matter is essential to ensuring high performing teams stay that way.

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Delegate & Ask for Help

Women are notorious for taking on more work responsibilities just to prove their value and worth. They tend to take on a lot of administrative and lower-level tasks. This creates a catch 22 – now you have double the work than your male counterparts and you’re not getting the higher visibility work that can help you get noticed for a promotion. It’s so important to make sure you’re asking for help and not taking on extra work just because you want to be “nice” and seen as a “team player.” Look through your list of responsibilities and delegate those that aren’t the best use of your time. Build accountability to ensure the work is being done in a timely and efficient manner by those you delegate to. Say no to projects or tasks that are going to be time suckers but not amount to any value for key decision makers and stakeholders who might be deciding on who gets the next promotion. This way you’re able to take on higher-visibility projects when they come up or ask your boss for opportunities to build your skills in a new area.

7. Let Go of Perfection

Women can tend to be perfectionists and because of this end up putting more pressure on themselves to be perfect wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends and employees. In the new work from home reality, the pressure to be perfect could lead to a situation that just isn’t feasible. Needing everything to be perfect can lead to micro-managing workloads and getting too stuck in the details. It can be exhausting and isn’t a good way to leverage your time. Letting go of perfection and settling for “good enough” can be one way to relieve the pressure of having to impress everyone around you. Own your gifts and let go of having to prove your value through needing to be perfect.

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Whether you are in a decision making role or not, whether it affects you or not (I’m looking at you male allies!), you can begin to advocate for these changes in the companies you work for and the teams you manage. The companies that are going to survive and thrive will be listening to their employees and the ideas they bring to the table around how to handle these changing times. With all the capital they will be saving on real estate, they should be thinking about how to redirect those funds to increase their bottom line through investing in the health and well-being of their workforce and creating cultures of inclusion and belonging for everyone, including women.

Why we have too few women leaders | Sheryl Sandberg

7 Ways to Get Back to Basics and Create a More Beautiful Post COVID-19 World

May 6, 2020/in Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence /by Monique Tallon

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. Albert Einstein

It seems as if the world has grown weary of lockdown life and even though infection numbers are climbing in many countries like the United States, it seems as if some people and many politicians want to get back to business as usual. It is normal for people to want to get out and enjoy the lovely Spring weather because let’s face it, being socially distant goes against our instincts as humans. But my personal feeling about going back to “business as usual” is that it’s going to be short-lived and counterproductive to our collective goal of fighting COVID-19 and an opportunity wasted to usher in a new world.

Whenever we experience deep trauma, loss or separation as humans, we go through various stages in response to the triggering event. In fact, according to the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle, it seems as if we are currently toggling between “denial” – “anger” – “bargaining” in how we are choosing to deal with this crisis. In order to heal, we must allow ourselves to go through these stages in the amount of time that it takes – which is solely dependent on the person’s ability to stay with the feelings, go into the emotions, experience them fully and then come out the other side to a place of acceptance. Having experienced these grief cycles myself, I can say that it is not an easy thing to go through. When you are in it, it can feel like there is no end in sight to the painful feelings that ensue. But relief and healing do eventually come and you become stronger because of it.

So if we look at the current crisis from this lens, we can understand why people spent the last weekend protesting in large numbers in Huntington Beach or at Michigan’s State Capitol. We can understand why New York parks were filled with people. We can understand why our government seems to be spinning the truth just so they can get the economy back up and running again. Denial seems to be our way of dealing with the ‘triggering’ event of a global pandemic and handling our grief around losing our individual freedoms. How long we cycle through the first four stages of grief will largely depend on our ability to transcend the pain and trauma to move into acceptance.

The Great Realization

I’ve spent the past weekend watching films like Michael Moore’s Planet of the Humans and Dr. Stephen Greer’s Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind. These two films are almost like bookends to describe where we are as a human species. Although Planet of the Humans has been criticized by many environmentalists for using outdated facts and figures to argue that the green movement isn’t doing enough to deal with climate change, it has been lauded for pointing to the big elephants in the room: overpopulation and overconsumption. The main point the film alludes to is that we are well past the point of ‘solar paneling’ or ‘wind turbining’ ourselves out of the climate crisis. It claims that if we do not make massive shifts in the way we live our day-to-day lives and change our consumption habits drastically, we will not be able to tackle climate change in any meaningful way.

In Close Encounters, the documentary talks about the deep state cover-up around UFO’s and ET’s which ironically seems to be ending with the recent admission by the Pentagon of the existence of UFO’s (no one seemed to be surprised by this). However, a good portion of the film is dedicated to the work of Dr. Stephen Greer who has established a series of protocols called CE5 protocols to initiate peaceful contact with intelligent beings from other planets. He claims that no human being has been harmed in all the decades he has been leading groups in making contact (and he has massive amounts of incredible footage to prove it). The theme throughout the film is that in order to make contact with aliens, we need to raise our consciousness and develop our innate abilities of telepathy and ESP. These are abilities that all human beings have latent inside them and he thinks this is the central technology that ET’s use to transport themselves to Earth from their far away galaxies and planets.

While all this may sound far-fetched, some of the world’s oldest religious teachings seek to help their devotees to attain exactly this type of consciousness raising. In fact, there have been stories of many great avatars who have been able to bilocate or materialize out of nowhere. Jesus himself was said to be able to levitate and in the Bible it describes him walking on water. Psychics use this ability in order to intuit information. Many artists and creative people innately know that their creativity comes from a mysterious “other” place. What would be possible if we were able to tap into this power inside of ourselves as a human collective? What if we were able to make peaceful contact with other civilizations much more advanced than ours? Might they be willing to share their advanced technology so that we could save planet earth? What if that is the reason why they are trying to make contact in the first place?

As I reflect on these two films and look at where we are today from a meta-perspective, it seems to me that this moment is calling us forth into a great realization about where humanity finds itself today and a need to reassess how we might organize ourselves as a society post pandemic. It requires us to look at the social agreements we have in place in all aspects of our society – from our institutions to how we govern ourselves. It requires a deeper inquiry and a shift in perspective about the role each one of us plays in reimagining our world. This requires a fundamental shift in consciousness and a greater awareness about how we begin redesigning our social contracts to make them more aligned with a more equitable, sustainable, peaceful and inclusive way of being in the world.

So you might be reading this and wondering – what can I do to help bring about this shift in consciousness? Luckily, I’ve got a few simple suggestions you can take to make a difference by going back to the basics.

To be empowered – to be free, to be unlimited, to be creative, to be genius, to be divine—that is who you are…. Once you feel this way, memorize this feeling; remember this feeling. This is who you really are. ― Joe Dispenza

1. Begin meditating on a regular basis.

I’ve talked about the importance of meditation in earlier posts and how effective it is in dealing with anxiety and stress. Lately I’ve stumbled upon the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza – a neuroscientist and former doctor who has extensively researched the power of the mind to heal ourselves and to change our lives in concrete and tangible ways. I recommend his book Becoming Supernatural as a starting point or his many interviews on Youtube. You can also find his guided meditations available for download through Amazon. His latest campaign is #GoLove20 is about spreading love and positivity to heal the planet. Make time on a daily basis to meditate, quiet your mind and raise your awareness. This will help in not only bringing about personal well-being, but as I talk about below, has been shown to have positive, long lasting effects locally and globally as well.

2. Get out in nature, safely.

We’ve all realized and have a new found appreciation for the healing power of nature during this time in lockdown. Human beings need fresh air and sunlight to function properly. A lack of Vitamin D can lead to all sorts of health problems and our lungs and bodies need exercise to feel good, boost our immune system and lower stress. We all need to find safe ways to be out in nature but to do so safely, which means wearing masks, keeping social distance and not touching your face. This is not difficult!! Drive to a hiking trail that is off the beaten path. Find a park that isn’t crowded. Get up early to beat the crowds or take a late night brisk walk. Be respectful of others’ personal space.

3. Plant a garden.

With the rise of the Industrial Revolution, the relationship between humans and nature has largely been about dominion over the natural world. We live disconnected from it and have forgotten the basic skills of tending the land. If something were to happen to our food supply, god forbid, most of us would not be able to survive off the land. With long lines at supermarkets and empty shelves quickly becoming a new reality, it’s becoming clear that we need to relearn how to grow our own food and become more in tune with nature. Transportation of food is one of the biggest contributors to our carbon footprint. One of the most radical acts you can do right now is learn how to grow plants and vegetables. You can start by planting a garden in your front or backyard. Learning basic gardening skills, permaculture or sustainable agriculture to feed your family or local community while doing something beneficial for the planet. Get inspiration from the Dervaes family who converted their residential property to an urban farm which now produces 6,000 pounds of food for their local community. Imagine what would be possible if we turned all our lawns into community gardens?

4. Make a list of your consumption habits.

If we want to truly begin shifting away from over-consumption, it has to start locally. In order to do this, we have to become aware of our unconscious spending habits. We need to become aware of where we spend our money, time and resources. Make a list of your spending habits and put them into three categories – Must haves, Nice to haves, Don’t need to haves. Begin whittling yourself down to the must haves and nice to haves, and then over time see if you can do away with the nice to haves as well. However, add an additional category of “Experiences” that you are going to add in place of the items you are eliminating. How do you want to fill up your time? Where do you want to put your resources instead? Spending more time with your kids, learning a new skill, volunteering in your community are a few examples. In order to take the pain out of making do with less, fill that time with activities that feed your soul.

5. Work on raising your vibrational frequency.

If you’ve ever heard of the movie The Secret or the Law of Attraction then you know that raising your vibrational frequency is key in manifesting your heart’s desire. Not only is this important in attracting the things you want more of in your life, it is also instrumental in lowering stress and anxiety and increasing well-being. It is also key in raising your consciousness and being able to tap into latent abilities such as telepathy. Heart Math Institute has done decades of research on heart coherence and has developed a tool called Inner Balance which is a nifty bluetooth-enabled device that can measure your heart coherence while you meditate in real time. They conduct Global Coherence events where people around the world practice heart coherence meditations at the same time which has been proven to positively affect the electromagnetic field of the planet (raises planetary consciousness). It only takes 1% of the population to go into coherence to impact the rest of the 99%, lowering crime rates and violence, which is called the Maharishi Effect.

6. Begin writing a new story for the world

We spend so much time dwelling on what is NOT working in our lives or in the world that we end up spending very little time thinking about the world we DO want. We have the perfect opportunity right now to begin envisioning the new world we want to create post COVID-19. The planet has had a brief respite from all the polluting and over-consumption of its inhabitants. Animals are getting to enjoy some of the empty space that was previously occupied by humans. It’s beautiful to see the waters in the Venice canals clearing up or bioluminescent waves in Southern California. It’s inspiring to watch funny and creative videos made by ordinary folks who are tapping into their innate playfulness during this lockdown. It seems like simple acts of kindness and courage have increased too. Isn’t this the type of planet we want to move into? Begin spending time each day dreaming of the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. Think about the type of work, relationships, communities and planet we could create if we tapped into our creativity, wholeness and resourcefulness. Write it down, journal about it or get into dialogue about it with someone and share those ideas out loud.

7. Be a Leader – Invite friends to join you.

All these things are well and good but without a tipping point, it will take a long time to see real change. The time has come for all of us to take personal leadership over our lives instead of waiting for an external entity to dictate what we should do to better our lives. We can no longer wait for politicians or governments to enact change that will lead to a better future. We must be our own leaders and take charge of our destiny. If you feel a calling to make a difference in the world, listen to that inner knowing.. Start a community garden in your neighborhood. Hold group meditations over Zoom. Find online communities that are organizing themselves in raising planetary consciousness. Invite people in your network to practice these new habits. The minute you liberate yourself from programming via social media or the mainstream media, the more energy and creativity you will have in taking positive actions in your life that can impact you and society in general.

When you get back to doing the basics, you’ll begin to notice changes in your relationship with yourself, with other people and with nature. You’ll begin to feel more peaceful, maybe more loving and kind, you might even feel more vitality and wholeness. You might feel inclined to review your consumption habits and find ways to be more conscious about how you spend your time, money and energy. And you might even begin thinking about how you can make a difference locally. If all of us step up to take leadership of ourselves and in our communities, I think we would be able to not only defeat COVID-19 in less time, but we might be able to save Mother Earth and walk into a different world, a more beautiful one our hearts know is possible.

We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness. – Thich Nhat Hahn

Dalai Lama speaks on Inner Peace,Inner Values & Mental States

Female Leadership is Proving to be the Secret Weapon in the Battle against Coronavirus

April 23, 2020/in Feminine Leadership, Leadership, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence, Women Entrepreneurs, Women in Business, Women in Leadership /by Monique Tallon

Women leaders around the world are showcasing the type of leadership that is proving to be most effective in handling the current COVID-19 pandemic. Germany, Taiwan, New Zealand, Norway, Denmark, Iceland, and Finland have had one of the more successful responses to the pandemic. From Jacinda Ardern to Angela Merkel, women are once again proving that female leaders can lead equally, if not better, than many of their male counterparts especially in times of crisis.

In this post, I’d like to take a closer look at the specific leadership skills global female leaders are embodying as a lesson for all of us in how to lead gracefully in times of great hardship and challenge. Click here to read more.

10 Simple Ways to Practice Mindfulness In Our Daily Life

April 13, 2020/3 Comments/in Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Self-Confidence, Vision /by Monique Tallon

“Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.” – Rumi

These days as we are all learning to adapt to a new normal of staying indoors, I’ve been personally finding it difficult to focus on what is going right with the world instead of what is going wrong. I find myself sometimes getting sucked into hours of scrolling through my social media feed to read the latest news (which is mostly all terrible) or to feel more connected to friends and family. With all the unknowns of what the future holds, it’s easy to get stuck in negative feedback loops which ultimately breed stress in the body. And right now stress is the last thing we need if we want to boost our immune systems and keep a healthy mental state.

So in this blog post, I want to talk about how to train your brain through mindfulness practices to stay focused on the positive, lower stress, and keep yourself mentally healthy during this uncertain time we’re going through.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the ability to stay in the present moment and to focus your thoughts on what is happening in the here and now. It’s our ability to not think about the past or the future but to instead observe what is happening in the moment.

Why Should We Practice Mindfulness?

There have been many prominent teachers like Deepak Chopra or Eckhart Tolle and others who teach us about the power of mindfulness and why it’s so important to incorporate it into our daily practice. It has many proven benefits from reducing anxiety, depression and chronic pain to improving sleep and reducing stress. Mindfulness also helps us in achieving our goals such as weight-loss or starting a new project. And from a leadership perspective, mindfulness can help us stay centered in order to more effectively manage people or deal with external challenges. All in all, mindfulness is an important practice for us to cultivate to lead happy and meaningful lives.

But it’s not something that comes naturally for us especially with the many distractions that take our attention and focus elsewhere. Most of us are now addicted to our technology and have less ability to focus our attention for a long period of time. We constantly check our news feed, email or texts and are bombarded with information overload. The day goes by without us even checking in with ourselves, let alone spending time practicing mindfulness, which ironically ends up making us feel disconnected and unhappy. And when we do slow down we tend to feel guilty for doing so, like there’s some kind of rule that tells us we need to be busy in every given moment to be productive and make the most of each minute.

The result of this is we become much more susceptible to bad news, misinformation and anxiety which drag us down both mentally and physically. We end up being uncomfortable with just being with ourselves, we lose our connection to something bigger or to our inner power. We lose our ability to create our future consciously through focusing on what’s working for us right now.

Cultivating Mindfulness in our Daily Lives

Since breaking our addiction to technology is a much bigger task (and a topic for another blog), we need to build practices in our daily lives to bring ourselves back to what really matters. Although nothing beats a good mindfulness meditation it can sometimes be difficult to squeeze in a 20-30 minute meditation in our busy lives. Instead, we can build micro-practices throughout the day to focus our attention.

Here are my top 10 mindfulness activities you can practice throughout the day:

“With mindfulness, you can establish yourself in the present in order to touch the wonders of life that are available in that moment.” – Thich Nhat Hanh.

1. Practice gratitude

When we practice gratitude, we have to focus our attention to what is positive in our lives in the present moment. It gently brings the good stuff to the forefront of our mind so that we are able to more easily come back into the now moment, instead of fretting about the future or rehashing the past. By focusing on the positive we then become more available to create a more positive future.

2. Check in with your body

The body functions without your participation – you breathe automatically, your heart beats continuously and your bodily functions keep going regardless of what you do. But the body is constantly sending us messages through sensations in the body. Take a moment and check in with your body – what do you notice?
Where are you holding tension? Do you have aches or pains? Do you feel heavy or light? Bringing your attention to your body can help realign your attention to the present but also connects you to the information you need to take better care of your body. For more tips on how to lean into body wisdom, you can check out my new course on building more confidence.

3. Pay attention to your heart

Our emotions are another way the body communicates with us at any given moment. Throughout the day, you might experience a range of emotions from sadness to joy. By checking in with your heart where your emotions originate, you come into more coherence with yourself. My favorite resource for this is the Heart Math Institute that has done decades of research on the power of the heart and how it affects not only our individual health but the well-being of others.

4. Fire up your five senses

One of the simplest ways of staying mindful is to bring your attention to the present moment. Stop what you are doing for a moment and observe what is going on around you. What noises do you hear? What scents do you smell? What are others around you doing? Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, put your full attention there and observe it through your five senses for a few moments to practice bringing your mind to the now moment.

5. Practice the centering exercise

One of the best exercises I teach my clients is a short 30 second practice called the Centering Exercise that helps you tune into your body and into the present moment through centering. Here’s a quick video that runs you through the step by step process on how to do it. You can also find it featured in my book, Leading Gracefully. It’s a great exercise for leaders, managers, entrepreneurs and busy moms!

6. Focus on your breath

Another access point to bringing our attention to the moment is by focusing on our breath. The breath is happening with or without our conscious awareness, but by bringing our attention to our breath we can help our mind focus. Notice how you are breathing. Is it shallow or deep? Take five deep belly breaths and focus your attention on your inhale and exhale. Repeat that three times and practice it multiple times during the day.

7. Observe your thoughts

Here’s a fun game – stop what you’re doing and start observing your thoughts. Can you do that? What do you notice? Try it and see what happens!

8. Mindful eating

Another time to focus on the present moment is when we eat. Most of the time we aren’t paying attention to the food we eat because we’re eating at our desk, watching a Youtube video or reading while we eat. But research has shown that when we eat with more mindfulness, we digest our food better which helps get more vitamins and minerals and aids in overall digestive health.

So next time you sit down for a meal, put down the phone, chew your food mindfully and notice how you eat. Do you eat fast or slow? Do you chew your food or inhale it? What does your food taste like? What you discover might even inspire you to take up an online cooking class!

9. Practice active listening

Most of the time when others speak we are in our heads trying to think of how we are going to respond. We tune out about halfway before the person is even finished with their thought. Next time you have a conversation, try active listening where you are putting your full attention on the other person. Listen with your ears, heart and intuition. Practice mindful listening and observe whether the quality of your conversations change.

10. Observe your surroundings

I like practicing this when I’m outdoors – just focusing on what is happening around me. Notice the traffic. Focus on the people walking by. Notice a beautiful flower. The wind in your hair. The sun on your face. You can practice this when you’re going for a walk or a hike or just sitting on your patio or from your yard if you’re homebound.

I hope these simple exercises help give you access to the world of mindfulness without having to read books or sit through long meditations. Of course those are great mindfulness activities if you have the time, but I find it easier to make practicing mindfulness part of my daily activities so I can train my mind and stay more positive, feel happier and be in charge of what I choose to attract to myself by staying in the here and now.

Do you have any tips or exercises that help you stay mindful? Share them in the comments below!

The Power of Mindfulness: What You Practice Grows Stronger | Shauna Shapiro

“In today’s rush, we all think too much–seek too much–want too much–and forget about the joy of just being.” – Eckhart Tolle

7 Tips on How to Practice Gratitude to Beat the #COVID Blues

April 2, 2020/4 Comments/in Positive Psychology, Vision /by Monique Tallon

There are only two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle. The other as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein

In my last blog post, I shared a few life hacks to help us stay productive while working from home during this challenging time during #COVID19. One of the things I left out was a topic I thought deserved a whole post to itself – practicing gratitude. Why do I think gratitude is such an important topic that I dedicated a whole post to it? Because there are some pretty significant mental and health benefits from doing so, and at times like these, we can use all the help we can get.

So first, let’s look at how we define gratitude.

What is Gratitude?

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. I like to define gratitude as the art of being in appreciation of something and acknowledging the presence of it, whether tangible or intangible.

Why is Gratitude Important?

Gratitude is important because it keeps us tethered to reality. It takes us beyond ourselves and reminds us of the interconnection and interdependence of all things. It keeps us centered and grounded. And it can lift our spirits and give us comfort during difficult times. Practicing gratitude is the antidote to fear, scarcity and feelings of not being in control. It can remind us that even in the darkest moment, there are things to be thankful for which can immediately land us into an attitude of more generosity and positivity when things are tough.

What are the Benefits of Gratitude?

Recent studies show strong evidence that there are some very positive benefits on our health and well-being by practicing gratefulness. Gratitude can make people happier, improve their relationships, and potentially even counteract depression and suicidal thoughts. In another study, more grateful participants reported fewer health problems (such as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, respiratory infections, and sleep disturbances); in another, they reported fewer physical symptoms (including headaches, dizziness, stomachaches, and runny noses). Although it seems as more research is necessary to show direct correlation between improved health and practicing gratitude, growing research in the area of positive psychology indicates that gratitude can lead to more happiness.

How do we Practice Gratitude?

Before we can be grateful for something, we actually have to stop and notice that “It” is happening. The proverbial “It” is whatever you happen to notice in the moment – it can be as simple as a sunny day with blue skies or it can be acknowledging the thousands of selfless people putting themselves in harm’s way right now who are working the front lines to care for us, provide for us and keep us safe during this pandemic. That step right before gratitude requires mindfulness – the remembering, the stopping, the noticing – all steps necessary to be able to practice gratitude on a regular basis.

When Should We Practice Gratitude?

Anytime is a good time to practice gratitude and I recommend making it part of your daily practice. It can help you accept change, relieve stress and boost your mental health. Feeling grateful can be helpful when going through a tough break-up, when we lose our job, or lose a loved one. When we are trying to manifest more abundance in our life, gratitude is one of the essential steps to staying open to receiving all the goodness coming your way. Saying thank you or giving credit to an employee or a teammate can go a long way as well. People work harder and are more motivated when they feel appreciated. No one likes being taken for granted, so being thankful to your hard working staff shows that you acknowledge their efforts and can make them feel valued.

7 Tips to Practicing Gratitude

Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. – Eckhart Tolle

1. Keep a daily gratitude journal.

Start your day with gratitude. Keep a journal by your bedside and upon waking up, jot down a few things you’re grateful for. Do this consistently for at least a month and notice any differences in your mood or in how your day progresses.

2. Write a note or letter of thanks to someone.

This might be a letter you send or decide to keep to yourself. You may decide to write a note of gratitude to someone who has hurt you in the past. This can serve as a deeply healing exercise to help let go of any feelings of resentment and allow you to see the gifts in the situation.

3. Accept each day as a gift.

Remind yourself that each day is a new opportunity. An opportunity to do something kind for someone, to improve yourself, or to make a positive impact. Each day could be your last, so be grateful for the chance to live on this beautiful planet, surrounded by people you love.

4. Enjoy nature’s beauty

One of the easiest ways to practice gratitude is to appreciate the beauty of the natural world. Gaze up at the sun, smell the fresh air, take a walk in nature. Be mindful of the miracles all around you. Stand in awe of how perfect it all is.

5. See beauty in others and pay compliments.

There is nothing better than putting a smile on someone’s face. Giving a kind (and respectful) compliment can go a long way in brightening up their day. It can also make you feel good to do so. Appreciate the beauty in others and let them know you see them for who they are.

6. Keep in mind: there is nothing lacking.

Remind yourself that we live in an abundant world. Scarcity and fear are fixations of our imagination that are used to control us. Allow yourself to trust that things will be OK, that you are taken care of, and that there is enough for everyone (this is for the toilet paper hoarders out there!).

7. Start and end your day with gratitude.

Just like you start your day, end your day with gratitude. It can be in the form of a quick prayer of thanks, a text of appreciation to someone, or a reminder of what went right in your day.

Books on Gratitude

Of course there are some great books written on the subject of gratitude along with some awesome videos about gratitude as well. Here are some of my favorites:

The Gratitude Diaries

By Janice Kaplan

Taking advice from a range of professionals, Kaplan shared both personal experiences and extensive research to explore how gratitude can transform every aspect of life. In this warm, funny book, Kaplan shares with her readers the value of appreciating what you have.

Available from Amazon.

The Psychology of Gratitude

Editors: Michael McCullough, Robert A. Emmons

This text combines the work of prominent scientists from a range of disciplines to look closely at gratitude. It covers historical, philosophical and theoretical foundations of gratitude, then presents current research from a wide variety of sources.

Available from Amazon.

Living in Gratitude: A Journey That Will Change Your Life

By Angeles Arrien

Angeles Arrien asks readers to think about making gratitude their focal point for a whole year. Bringing together teachings from social science, she presents a 12-month ‘gratitude plan’.

Available from Amazon.

During times like these, it’s easy to give into all the fear mongering and feelings of scarcity. It’s imperative that you limit your exposure to content that fills you up with negativity. Focus on the things that are going right, choose to consume content that fills you with joy instead, and remember to be thankful for all that you have. Think of ways that you can spread joy or give back. Get creative and ask yourself – how do I want to show up when things get tough? Practicing gratitude is a choice you can make every day.

I’m grateful to you for making the time to read this post and for sharing it with those that might benefit!